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One foot in front of the next

I’m driving the BMW to Trader Joe’s. Beth is next to me. I notice that the experience of the car is transformed by who is handling it, much that of a gun or violin. Here the vehicle is purely utilitarian, getting us to where we need to go. I don’t care what it looks like or what it is and I only think about it in terms of how the BMW is not like my own car.

We’re talking about relationships and online dating. I haven’t given Beth the backstory of the avatar, so the things I say apparently horrify her on some level. I haven’t encountered many people who are comfortable with the rhetoric of the quirkyalone. Listening to myself, I know it sounds like I have excluded the entire world save one person.

I’m pushing the shopping cart at Trader Joe’s and reality has gone wobbly for me. I start to lose focus on where I am and suddenly I am in several different stores at once. Beth is asking me something about the grocery list, which has suddenly become indecipherable, the scrawled prescription from a mad chef. I answer noncommittally as the aisles telescope and emotions tumble down the shelves.

We manage to collect the ingredients for guacamole and hummus, dips which Beth insists must never be purchased, always made by hand. Later she would demonstrate her Shaolin avacado cutting style. She has resolved to eat an avacado a day while in California. I also found the frozen chocolate dipped bananas I had been craving.

The ride back is just like the ride there, only in reverse. Which is to say, completely unfamiliar.

Connect the cause and effect

Patio at Dave's

Whenever I’m with Dave, an unusual interactive social space is created. Like a theater, there is a stage area where the main scenes occur with our friends. Then there is a back stage area where we discuss the events of the stage and make plans for other scenes.

Dave’s various living spaces have always been conducive to this dynamic. In Seattle, there was the loft sandwiched between the dot com ghost offices, next door to a rave. Then there was the strange ship-like house, complete with portholes. Dave’s LA pad was a bohemian villa constructed of hand-made bricks. Imagine a U-shaped complex where each room connected to two other rooms as well as the outdoor patio. Before we all arrived, this place was inhabited by Dave’s housemates, a reclusive English photographer and a gorgeous interior decorator, who I nearly fell in love with.

I love my friends and, in general, I get along well with most people. I know how to interact with another person one on one. But when you add a few more people, suddenly you don’t have a single entity, but this crowd. And a crowd is shifty and has uncertain energies. What is a crowd thinking? What does it want? I certainly don’t know. I listen to crowds in the same way I do waves or waterfalls: I can hear a faint music or people murmuring some distance away, but it is lost in the rush of something much bigger than I.

So sometimes I would need to hide backstage and reflect and compose myself. I typically interact with humans for a few hours at a time on any given day. Now I was faced with spending several uninterrupted days with eleven other people. I was grateful for doors and the guest house/garage/home theater, anyplace I could go to refresh my reality management system.

Because it was already dealing with quite a bit.

This is the start of a journey

Dave's BMW Convertible

Los Angeles is a lot cooler than Austin. The temperature, I mean.

Dave picks me up in his blue BMW convertible and we rocket away. It has always been pretty terrifying to ride in the car with Dave, but a confluence of factors create the perfect storm of a Jerry Bruckheimer-style driving experience: The LA freeway is about eight lanes full of reckless assholes, the sun is shining, the top is down, and this car can’t go less than 60 miles an hour.

Throughout my stay in LA, the BMW became a metaphor which created chapter breaks in my story. But mostly it was an agent of fear, something which I eventually had to at least coexist with as it could never truly be overcome.

Thirty seconds away from the airport and we are nearly creamed as the molecules of the BMW attempt to share the same space as an oncoming car. Something white. Everything is moving so fast. We zig zag around cars, evoking moves from the video games of our youth. Someone yells at us from out her window.

“Welcome to Los Angeles,” says Dave, shifting gears.

My foot instinctively pushes the brake pedal, but, of course, there isn’t one.

Passengers never get brake pedals.

Here beginneth the lesson.

And then

And then I waited for what I
wanted to know
And when I did not receive what
I felt was my due
I simply just did that which I could
I created it.

Now I know what this means.

Thank you.

Sum of the Parts

Now I know what my next project should be. I need to pull myself together.

Help me, watch me, or stand aside.

How to Make a Smoothie

1. Find all of the fruit in your house.
2. Put it in a blender with some ice.
3. Press ANY of the buttons.

Nothing to see here

Shhhhhhhh.

I am currently hiding from all people and responsibilities.

Hancock

I have not been so surprised by a film since Fight Club. Hancock is about superheroes the way that Fight Club is about punching. This impression should of course be taken with a grain of salt as the film really spoke to me on some other level. Your mileage may vary.

1. The Fountain
2. Blade Runner
3. There Will Be Blood
4. Batman Begins
5. Ghostbusters
6. Barton Fink
7. Old Boy
8. Hancock
9. WALL-E
10. CQ

Across the Universe

Dream Job 3 - Across the Universe

 

White stones

Hi there. This seems to be working. 😉 Hopefully I’ll stop acting so ridiculous.